Hey you, I miss you, very much so. But lately I've been having doubts about us. I realise that the way we work is very different, you're more of the independent kind while I'm on the clingy side.
Yes, I need to learn to not be so clingy but I don't know if I'm learning or just tolerating. Cause if it's just tolerating with the way you are, I will reach my limit soon and that'll definitely be unpleasant.
I need my partner to be someone I can share everything with, from my deepest thoughts and darkest secrets to the most random of things but somehow with you I feel like there's a barrier. I don't know if it's the distance or it's just our personalities clashing. I'd sacrifice my sleep to talk to you, anytime, but you on the other hand, prioritize your sleep too much at times.
I'm starting to distance myself from you, starting to not give my all and I guess you can sense that. I love you, yes I do, but that isn't enough to make things work. I can't be the one giving in to your needs all the time, I need you to show me that you feel that "us" is worth it.
Having been on my own for far too long made me put a huge metal steel wall up and once someone comes in and drills a bit of that wall, I'd cover it back up immediately so as to prevent myself from getting hurt. That's my own defense mechanism but I believe it won't do me any good in the long run. If I keep on pushing people away, keep on being afraid of getting hurt, how will I learn to love truly? But then again, like my friend once said, when the right one comes, things will work out eventually. I guess there is some truth in that. If he is the one for you, things will fall into place, no matter what.
The distance have made me not want to give my all, cause anything can happen. You with your life over there, and me, with mine over here. But that distance can be brought closer with constant quality communication and that's one part that we're lacking in. How do we achieve that if sleep gets in the way all the time?
I envy my friends who receive ample attention from their better halves and I wish you could be like them but I know I shouldn't compare. But i can't help it, I'm a girl who needs to be shown that she is cared for, a girl who needs the attention from the one that matters. If you can't give me the kind of attention I need, it's the same as me being friends with you, cause then you'll be no different.
After saying all that, I still want this to work out. I'm still putting my faith in this, just that I'm going at a very slow pace. Do know that my heart is with you, but I just need you to show me that you are taking good care of my heart cause if not, I'm gonna take my heart back and keep it with me.
6:44 AM
